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dennis1soil
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Posted: Thu Mar 18th, 2010 06:34 pm |
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Devastated Wife wrote:
Dennis,
I would ask you to examine your true feelings about women.? It is clear we're nothing but useful objects to you.?...
...
...? These threads have left my mouth agape and they infuriate me.? I'm left asking myself if you are really in so deep that you don't see the lies for what they are or if you are just trying to pull the wool over our eyes with your rationalizations and deceptions.? Do you really not see it?? Really?? I find that really hard to believe.
I'll leave it to Tim and Truthseeker to try to reason with you.? I can't.? That's obvious.?
... (bold emphasis mine)
Devastated Wife:
When you have asked me questions, I've tried to answer them even to the point of spending so much time that I've had to use days of vacation both last week and now this week (of course these days are no longer available for me to use with my wife. Rather than just whining about the time I invest in your questions, I'm just saying I don't simply discard what you say. It is true however, I have learned I am not as good a man as I thought earlier, though I try, I admit I probably don't consider with equal weight comments from someone with no personally experience of being addicted.
I'm not consciously aware of being motivated by a desire to misrepresent truth (e.g. lie, pull wool over eyes etc...).
Concerning the posts that infuriate you, I'm not sure if you are referring primarily to things I said years ago or pretty much all my posts (I assume the latter). Given I have read (other) devastated wives expressing a desire to know how an addicted-to-porn man thinks, when I write about what goes through my particular mind I choose not to leave out content that portrays me in a negative way. I've been told I must be brutally honest if I hope to overcome this addiction, and since I haven't been able to find an accountability partner, I speak frankly (or "with temerity") here - even knowing about the risk that I will infuriate some - could it possibly be of some help to a marriage if a wife is so infuriated with that maybe she will see her husband in a bit different light?
Still, I'm sorry my words infuriate you. It didn't really bother me in one of your earlier posts when you said you were not going to read any more of what I write, since you found my words not to be of value to you. If I hear from others, they also feel that way then I'll probably stop, so as to save folks the hassle of skipping paging past my long posts.
I can see there are things about me that are hard for you to believe. That does not surprise me, given how I have found hard to believe comments from both my own wife and other women who have similarly been abused by their husbands. For instance, in the the old thread named "Bible Women..." (the one I referred to as my "Dread thread"), I suspect anyone can readily see things I found hard to believe. As I said when I provided that link, I typed those particular (infuriating?) words over 2 years ago -some of my opinions have changed, and maybe one or two would possibly be easier for you to believe now.
As far as Tim and Truthseeker trying to reason with me, well certainly Tim is in a different category altogether, as suggested by success of 12 step groups, there are ways he is much more likely to be able to help me "see the light" and/or stop fooling myself.
I have received more help from Truthseeker (verses from other devastated wives in general) even though I don't remember reading anything about her ever having been addicted (i.e when using a dictionary type formal definition of the word).
Truthseeker: If I'm wrong about what I say in the next paragraph, please set the record straight.
However I do remember reading a long time ago where she admitted to struggling in some areas with what she recognized as sin (not being responsible for her husband's sinful actions, rather just in some areas where she admitted at some times having failed to comprehensively obey some Biblical injunctions).
...
So in summary, Devastated Wife:
I don't automatically disregard what you say - you have helped me in several ways, and I suspect to continue receive help from what you write. Case in point: My wife and I have now listened together to the first of the four audio CDs you suggested. Also, I've read through about half of Jimmy Evan's little book about the mind. Overall I think it's very valuable, however how my "mind goes blank" in situations where other men most likely fantasize, I don't see that everything he says applies directly to my experience, but still - a whole lot of his insights are very helpful. For instance, I like what he is saying concerning meditating on God's words and how he refers to the Word of God almost interchangeably as the Sword of the Spirit (offensive weapon).
The positive aspects of repeatedly meditating on God's word as recommended by Jimmy Evans, reminds me some of the concept of "brain pathways", which in turn reminds me of some of what Judith Reisman says concerning negative brain pathways.
By the way - the reason I take the drug "Tianeptine" is because of what I have read about it in research (involving rats) about it's ability to help the brain re-learn things and/or change it's plasticity. Certainly I know my brain needs rearranging (and that's not meant just for a chuckle - though that's appropriate too!).
Truthseeker - I tried to use some of the links from that Senate hearing page containing Judith Reisman's testimony - but unfortunately several of those links are no longer working (apparently the Senate web site has been rearranged).
Here another link to Judith's full testimony, from which I have copied the below material in quotes : PDF version: http://www.obscenitycrimes.org/Senate-Reisman-Layden-Etc.pdf
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Thanks to the latest advances in neuroscience, we now know that emotionally arousing images imprint and alter the brain, triggering an instant, involuntary, but lasting, biochemical memory trail. This applies to so-called "soft-core" and "hard-core" pornography, which may, arguably, subvert the First Amendment by overriding the cognitive speech process. Once our neurochemical pathways are established they are difficult or impossible to delete. Erotic images also commonly trigger the viewer?s "fight or flight? sex hormones producing intense arousal states that appear to fuse the conscious state of libidinous arousal with unconscious emotions of fear, shame, anger and hostility.
These media erotic fantasies become deeply imbedded, commonly coarsening, confusing,motivating and addicting many of those exposed. (See "the Violence Pyramid" athttp://www.vbii.org/violence.html). Pornography triggers a myriad of endogenous, internal, natural drugs that mimic the "high"from a street drug. Addiction to pornography is addiction to what I dub erototoxins ? mindaltering drugs produced by the viewer's own brain
How does this 'brain sabotage' occur? Brain scientists tell us that "in 3/10 of a second a visual image passes from the eye through the brain, and whether or not one wants to, the brain is structurally changed and memories are created - we literally 'grow new brain' with each visual experience." (bold emphasis mine)
And for any who like strong, straight to the point, types of testimonies, I located one of the others from that same Senate session:
http://www.discoveryacademy.com/about/resources/senate_hearing_porn4.php
-DennisLast edited on Thu Mar 18th, 2010 06:53 pm by dennis1soil
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truthseeker
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Posted: Thu Mar 18th, 2010 07:30 pm |
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Hi Dennis,
I believe that one of the most crucial components of marriage, or even friendship, is to maintain a realistic perspective of myself, particularly my weaknesses. It helps me be patient with the weaknesses of others, and not to respond so defensively when criticized.
Taking the concept of addiction admittedly loosely, are we not all addicted to sin? I have been a believer for more than thirty years, yet regularly must humble myself at the throne of mercy and grace. One of my greatest struggles has been with patience/anger, but time management is also a challenge.
My experience with pornography's intrusion in our marriage has given me compassion for people who are going through something I used to break my arm patting myself on the back for not being touched by. I believe that would be called pride. We all have to be careful of the mindset that believes our families are insulated from anything at all.
TruthSeeker
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dennis1soil
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Posted: Fri Mar 19th, 2010 05:28 am |
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| Amen.
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